Am I crazy...most definetly yes!

First I like to say, I am so glad this thing has spell check. I've debated over the past two weeks joining the blogging world. It wasn't until I started reading my friends, that I became inspired.
I got an itching for another dog. And before I knew it......I had a 16 week old Weimaraner. It has cured me of any chance of wanting a third child. I now wake up and start my morning between 6:30 and 7 am. Way to early for summer! Especially since I've been getting up early for the past 10 months to teach. I guess that's the problem. I need to get up and have this quiet time to myself. I am reading my bible and journaling. I also get to enjoy coffee again. I was so used to having it made at work for me!
I feel the need to confess my most inner and outer thoughts. This past year has been a wild ride. I thought the drama stopped when you became an adult. I guess my life would be boring and I would have nothing to talk about....if there wasn't any drama!
Every since school has been out, I have spent the past two weeks praying and asking God a lot of questions. I feel like I am in a place where I can think a little more clearer now and not be influenced by my surroundings. I am looking to my bible for answers. I feel like I am reading it in a whole new light.
I've grown up a "Baptist" pretty much my whole life. Church was done one way and you didn't mess with that. People who lifted their hands during worship or got a little too charismatic were stared out and usually found another church. People who dressed different or seemed "different" to their standards.....were gossiped behind their backs. I can also remember thinking how people were so quick to judge others for drinking, when their tongues were much more hurtful. Of course I am no saint, I choose to judge also. I judge people and situations that were meant for only God to be the judge.
I sat on the sidelines when new people came to church. Afraid of making new friends or what these new people might think of me. It takes me a long time to really warm up to someone new. I was and am jealous of those who can walk up to anyone and start a conversation. Something I need to get over.
Just for those of you reading and not following this, I jump around a lot. But it is my blog and I can do it how ever I want. This is how my brain works!
Back to church. I can always remember thinking, I wish our church sang more modern songs and had more spunk to the service. I would loose my concentration and venture off to another place! That's what I loved about my church during college. We were a little more contemporary. People lifted their hands and it was OK. We even had a praise team and drums! Most of the songs I had sang came out of a hymnal. I felt like I was at youth camp every Sunday. I had been content for the past 12 years. Once I had my daughter in 2003, I became even more involved. I loved choir and Wednesday nights. I was even making more of a regular attendance. Life was good. Church was good. And then the changes started.
I was really excited. We were going to make church more inviting to the unchurched. "Connect the Community with Christ" I felt like I could finally invite family and friends. Especially since we were getting rid of that "Baptist Stigma"!
The first wave of commotion was painting the back of the church black in the worship center. My initial thought were, "How can the ruin this beautiful sanctuary? Who's going to want to get married here?" Here I thought I wanted change.....only if it met my standards! Eventually it grew on me.
The point is, so many changes began a whirlwind affect. Because church no longer seemed like church. Sunday school was gone, Wednesday night dinner was gone, choir every Wed. was gone, etc..... I hated the thought of Life Groups outside the church doors. I didn't want to drive all over or not get the chance to see my class all the time. I became a "Hater"! I became selfish. I wanted my church back.
Long story short.....I don't care anymore about those things I thought I wanted. I tried going to another Baptist church. I loved it and hated it. I loved the familiarity and hated the familiarity! Why was I running away? Because almost everyone ran away? I hated the conflict between friends. I used the excuses and reasons I thought made sense for leaving. I abandoned ship because I thought if enough people did, we would get our church back. Well guess what, God has different plans. I cannot control the situation, nor do I want to! I am learning my own words," Let Go, Let GOD!" I was so caught up in the drama and the legalism, I lost focus. How many people have I brought to Christ this past year? How many people have I shown God's grace to? How many times have I gossiped instead of praying with that friend? Who am I to judge?
I am ready to go back. Some are going to think I am crazy. Especially after all I've heard and seen. All I've said. Why would I go back? Because God is leading me there. I've been more focused since I left work than I've been all year. I've had time to myself with no pressures! I know the things that matter and don't matter to me anymore. I am ready to serve instead of be served. I ready for "unconventional church". I ready to support my friends and my church. I am ready for a new adventure! I am moving on!!!!!