Random Thoughts Racing in My Head

I took off out to Disney last night with the kids again. We had a blast. We went out to the campgrounds and roasted marshmallows. After that we went swimming in the pool. I've been waiting all summer for Heath to sleep in and he chooses 2 weeks before school starts! Go Figure.

As the summer ends, I become more and more excited about C3's move to the theaters. I've come to realize how traditional our building is. I know God will use this building to serve another purpose for another church.

I am thankful for the staff and their wives. They are my role models. I wish I had only half their strength! I am thankful for their willingness to change and to take a stand. I have faith and trust them completely. I question nothing......I question no motives. All you have to do is look around the sanctuary and see all the hundreds of new faces. I know their hearts, their love for Christ, and their love for the unchurched.

I have never had a more life changing moment then when I decided C3 is for me. I've never felt Christ more alive in me. I've never felt a peace like this before. I know God had big plans for me.

Sunday is always my Funday!

Sorry, I missed blogging yesterday. My cousin's were in town and I went out to meet them. We went through the Titanic exhibit. It was kinda cute. We then went to Monkey Joe's...note to self-Stay away on the weekends! And to finally end my night, I met them out at their hotel to swim. We watched Finding Nemo in the pool. Heath loved it. He stayed up until 12. So I may actually have the morning to myself!

Church was awesome!!!!!! Byron was on fire. I was so convicted that I needed to get off the bench and serve, I am just not sure where. I am such a thinker and not a doer...Are there any thinking ministries! Ha!

The last two songs before church ended, gave me goosebumps the whole time. When we sang, "The enemy has been defeated....." I almost started dancing. I was about to go Charismatic!

I was also impressed with the number of hands that went up, who have been at C3 for less than 2 years. I look forward to seeing those numbers double.

I was also convicted that I need to move on. I am no longer going to live out the past year in my mind and the mistakes I made. The stupid things I let consume my mind. The stupid things I spent time seeking, instead of seeking lost people. I have not a doubt in my mind that God has me where he wants me to serve(not be served)!

I am more and more excited about the theater. God has provided!

I know there are some cynics who think the church staff is making off with all of Parkway's money. They stole their church away. All the hard work building the church up is gone. I used to think these thoughts......I was blind! I think money is the number one reason most people are upset. I understand, it is my nature to want to protect my own personal money. I think it is the hardest thing to give that area of my life over to God. Yet is the most stressful area in my life.....and God takes care of all my needs.

I love the fact that we have so many new people and the people who have stayed, show no ownership. We cannot own our church and just because we might write the largest tithe check every month....we do not have control over the church. You cannot be crowned king, because you gave the most money.

I am preaching to myself.....I am not pointing a finger at anyone, but if the shoe fits! I know I am a work in progress when it comes to giving. I look forward to the lessons that God is going to teach me. In fact, I was reading in my bible that God tests us so we can learn about ourselves. I can truly say I have learned a lot of stuff about myself this year!

Sabbath....Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, etc......

I really enjoyed Barry's message Sunday. A few weeks ago I watched another sermon on t.v. by another pastor on the same subject. A much more legalistic approach. He went so far as to say you shouldn't even go to dinner on the Sabbath. So what's he going to eat. Because if he were my husband, he'd be very hungry.

There is a part of me that wish stores and restaurants were closed on Sunday. Only for the simple fact, I think it would make us stay home with our families and rest. But being realistic, this is not going to happen. So the fact is, it is up to us to pick our Sabbath Day. Traditionally church has always been held on Sunday. But in Old Testament, it was held on Saturday. Saturday was considered the last day of the week. The day believed the God rested after he finished creating the world.

I really think God is more interested in us having a Sabbath, more than he is on what day of the week it is. That is why I think it is great that some churches run services on different days of the week. My mom goes on Saturday night and loves it. In fact, it is a packed house on Saturday nights.

It Is Good To Be Uncomfortable

This morning I am going to type for a little before I come up with a title. I had one last night, but I forgot it.

I got to visit the future site for C3 last night. I am excited to think about the all the new possibilities that the move to the theater will bring.

It's funny, last night we (Andrea, Amanda, and Ariel) were talking about how our church has opened doors to a whole new variety of people. Even people we might have "burned at the stake" a few years ago because of their lifestyle. I ask myself, "Who will show these people Christ's love?" Before I would have been appalled to think "these" people could be in my church influencing my children. But, like I said.....Who will show them Christ's love? What church will these people go to? Am I expecting first for these people to be saved by some street missionary, before they are allowed in church? Or a seminar on how to act in church or the right and wrong things to say when you first start coming. No, of course not.

A while back I read something that Ed Young said at a conference about members feeling uncomfortable at church. Actually here are a couple of the comments that freaked me out when I first read them.

• "The moment people stop leaving is the moment you stop leading."
• "Every time you go to the next level, people will leave." Both staff and volunteers.

I thought there must be something wrong with this thinking if we are chasing good Christian members away. I now understand, because I was one of these negative people who misunderstood C3's vision.

It is not about me. I am excited to be a part of a church who has a desire to reach unchurched. I am glad that we don't have the same predictable service every Sunday. I am excited thinking about all the new people who have walked in the doors in the past year. It just goes to show how many people in the community were searching for a new church home......but may not have walked through the doors with the Baptist name on the sign. I can't tell you how many people I have invited in the past who wouldn't come the minute they find out I go to a Baptist church. I trust Orlando has enough Baptist churches for people wanting a Baptist church.

So in closing, I am glad that I was uncomfortable with all the changes. I needed a wake up call. I was way to comfortable with church and forgot about what God has called me to do. True joy comes from being in God's will for your life. I have to tell you.....I haven't ever experienced anything like this. I now know why when I saw my friends go through the meat grinder and attacked for trying to do what God called them to do......I saw joy. I saw the excitement in their lives. Peace has come!!!!!!

It is still raining!

The good news is the a/c is going to be half the price because we found a friend of Jeff's dad who is going to do it. The bad news is it has taken so long. I am still in Melbourne.

When I got back from Texas the vet bill on Brewer was over $200.00 and I just saw a worm in his poop. Can only imagine how much that is going to cost! This dog has already cost me way too much! I won't post the amount, let's just say I could have taken a very nice vacation. Lesson learned, don't get a dog.

I think I am going to have to find a part time job!

Last night I started thinking about salvation. In the past I used to think, invite them to church....the pastor will preach a convicting message and they will go forward. While I do think this will work for some, I know for a vast majority that it will not. I think there are also some who will go forward and then never step foot back in church. Why is this? I can think of many different answers and reasons. I try to think of the excuses I use and my friends and family use.

There is also a whole other group of people. The ones who practically live at church. I know this is not true of all, but I have to say.....I never hear stories of these people bringing any one to Christ. So what went wrong? When did we get so comfortable? I was so caught up in church, I forgot what God has called me to do. I left the job up to people I thought were more experienced and qualified!

Imagine if it was written on our tombstone how many people we lead to Christ or at your funeral a slide show of the pictures of these people were shown. Being a Christian since 15, I should be ashamed. The good news is today is a fresh start. Instead of being known for all the great accomplishment I've done(which isn't much!). I want to be known for the love I showed others in Christ. I hope all this is making sense. I tend to go off in my own little world that only I understand!

I have to tell you, I wake up everyday....knowing God has something special planned for me. I just keep praying I don't miss out!

I am going to Fellowship Church in Grapvine, Texas

I am so excited! I am flying out to Dallas on Friday to meet up with the youth group at C3. I am a little sad I missed out on the work they are doing in Beaumont, Texas. But I'll take what I can get.
The main reason I want to go, is so I can go to Ed Young's church. I feel like I owe him an apology. His name came up many times through the transition of our church from Parkway to C3. People thought this man had poisoned our church. They accused him of using "water-downed" tactics to bring people to Christ.
I got caught up in the gossip and judgement too. I thought if church didn't look or act a certain way, we would not produce "cookie cutter Christians". The ones who wear Sunday Best. The ones who know their bible and can answer every question in a knowledgeable way. (not that this is wrong). It is just intimidating to a world of people who don't know Christ yet. They feel uncomfortable and unable to meet the standard they think Christians require.

It's funny how people think you should make these type of people feel uncomfortable. They won't turn from their old ways if we don't preach Hell and Damnation every Sunday. Cause that's what Christ was doing? Beating people over the head with the Bible and dressing in His Sunday Best, intimidating every non-believer. No- Christ wanted nothing more than to show these people love and make them want to seek more. There was something special about Him that drew the type of people I used to turn my nose up to. I would say love the sinner, not the sin. But not want to invest in their lives or really want them to join my church. Not unless they could meet the "Christian Standard"!

So all this being said. I am excited to go to Ed Young's church. What I look forward to is knowing its not going to be the same cookie cutter type of church I am used to. Knowing he didn't poison our church. His church is an example of how I hope for C3 to look one day. Not because of the "fame and glory" that comes with being a "mega church" . But because I know that means we have reached that many more for Christ. And that's what it's all about!

So Ed Young....here I come!

Funday is Sunday

I wasn't sure if I was going to make it to church on Sunday, because of the race. We ended up leaving early to beat the traffic. Which I am glad we did, but we missed the awesome end!

I really needed to hear the message this morning. I feel like I've been running full speed. I know this because I've been moody.

Rest!?! You mind can only handle so much before, it starts malfunctioning. And you know what I mean. You start with small mistakes, that turn into big mistakes. That's why I never understood working yourself to death. At some point you can't be performing at your best. Your mind becomes mush.

As women I think we just cry. What to men do? I notice that my husband becomes quiet and wants to be alone. The company he used to work for about ran him into the ground. He worked 10+ hours a day. The phone rang late at night and all weekend. Our life revolved around his work schedule. I would get mad and take it out on him. We didn't get along to well back then. He just didn't have anything left by the time he was done working. His mind was mush! It got to the point I wanted him to quit and go live in a van down by the river. ( I should look for that on you tube).

We are much happier now with a normal work schedule. Jeff was about to run himself into an early grave and he was missing watching his children grow. I really thought we would end up divorced. (because I was selfish).

It's amazing how we drive our self to exhaustion. And then when we get to that point, we try to find rest by ourselves. I am guilty to forget there is one Person who can truly give me rest. True Rest. I am not saying I think life should be easy or a walk in the park. In fact, I believe the world will only get harder each year.

I hope I learn to first look to Yahweh for rest. Instead of my normal rest searching techniques. My way only leads to a short lived, brief rest. A kind of fake rest. Maybe this is why older people look forward to dying and having final rest with Christ. I am only half way through life and am exhausted. I am sure I will look forward to my final rest by then too! (O.K. that was a little morbid!)

On a side note, I am trying really hard to work it out so I can fly out to Dallas and meet the Youth this weekend. Pray that doors will open and I will be able to go!

The message on Sunday got me thinking about what it's like to feel like an inferior Christian. I don't now, but I used too. I imagine there are more people out there like me too. (using the word like a lot)

I've always hated praying out loud in front of other people. I was intimidated by how eloquent other people could pray. If I was asked to pray, I felt like I was in the spotlight and I had to do a good "show". Plus you think people will judge just how good of a Christian you are by your prayer.

I thought if didn't have on the right "Sunday Clothes", bring my bible( make sure it looks like it's been used and worn from all the reading), know all the songs.......they would revoke my membership. Now, no one every told me you had to do all these things.......I just felt I would be judged if I didn't.

That's what I love about C3 and this blogging thing! I am not at a church where I feel like everyone has their Sunday Mask on. I know the staff's hearts. I don't feel like they are part this club that I could never met their standards. I don't have to pretend I am something I am not.

I can't tell you the weight that has been lifted of my chest since I spilled out my guts. I can't hide behind my Sunday Mask. I am not going to put on a show, so people think I am a "good" Christian. I have learned more about myself in the past month, then in a life time. I know there is still more of me to find too!

God's not done with me...I am a work in progress!

Why can I be so moody?!?

I hate not having my quiet time in the morning. I tell myself it will be easier to wait until night, when there are less distractions. Night comes and then I am to tired. It's easier to veg on the couch. Then I feel guilty.....I had plenty of time, I just choose to do other things. By the end of the night I was in a bad mood. Really for no reason.
This morning is already better. I was able to have my quiet time and coffee! The two always go together. I love starting in the old testament and flipping forward into the new testament. I am learning some many new things I never really saw before. I read a little in Mark this morning too. I guess I never realized how the Pharisees looked at Jesus as being evil. They didn't like his teaching style or the way he questioned their traditions and customs. In Mark 3:1-6 , Jesus went into the synagogue, and a man with a shriveled hand was there. He was being watched closely so they could find a reason to accuse Him of breaking the law. They wanted to see if He would heal the man on the Sabbath. Jesus didn't violate the Ten Commandments, but He refused to obey man-made laws. Instead of the Sabbath being seen as God had intended, it had become a joyless ritual because of Pharisees' regulations.
I think about my worship on the Sabbath. How many times I've I gone to church, because I was supposed to go, God would be disappointed if I didn't go. I guilted myself into going. It had become a joyless ritual for me. I was not experiencing true worship! It's ironic. I loose all the programs and activities that I thought were important or would make me a better Christian, and now I am closer to Christ than I've ever been. I am experiencing true worship! I am experiencing a real relationship with Christ! God is awesome! I feel like a new Christ Follower. It's sad that I thought I had to do all these things to look "good" in God's eyes. Not that these things are bad. I just did them for the wrong reasons. Selfish reasons. I don't ever want to fall in that trap again.
It's funny how we take such an ownership in our church. What I've forgotten is church is for the unsaved. For people who aren't perfect. For people who don't know Christ and His blessings. If I make church a place that meets my needs, I forget about the needs of the unbeliever. I've been meeting my needs for too long. But times have changed and I am new person!

The People Rebel

I just finished reading Numbers chapters 11-14. I remember reading this to my class in the fall. I kept thinking how it reminded me of what my church was just beginning to go through. This is how I relate it.
Moses called some men to explore the land of Canaan. For forty days they explored the land. They came back talking about how the land flowed with milk and honey. Just like God had promised. Then came the But! They went on to tell how the people who lived there were powerful......descendants of Anak, who were exceptionally strong and tall. Caleb was the only one to silence the people before Moses, saying they should go up and take the land. Unfortunately, the goodness of the land was offset by fear.
That night the community of people got together to grumble and complain. They were ready to choose a new leader and head back to Egypt. They even went as far as talking about stoning Moses and Aaron.
Long story short, God was ready to destroy them. Moses argued to save the people who rejected Him. In the end, God punished them. He sentenced them to die in the desert. For Forty years they wandered.
I was the one who grumbled. I listened to everyone else because of fear. I was missing out on what God had planned for me. It is amazing what fear and lack of trust in God can do.
I had to learn a very hard lesson. I missed out on too much already. I spent the last year crying, sick, sad, depressed, angry, and confused. I was searching in the wrong places, with the wrong motives.
Thank you Lord for opening my eyes and closing my ears to gossip. Thank you for my church, the staff, and my friends. Most of all I thank you Lord, for giving me a desire to reach the lost. I am ready to Love!

When your the most happiest......

Satan will attack. Last night I started thinking about my blogs. I started doubting myself. What are you thinking? You haven't really changed! You can't lead others to Christ. You life is really a mess and no one will respect you or take you seriously. (all in my head-I converse a lot with myself!) But, I stopped myself real fast. I was aware that Satan wants me to doubt, he doesn't want the lost to be saved.
Then I started thinking about all the people and friends who have moved on to other places, but are still bitter and angry about "the changes" or can't be truly happy for C3's vision. I ask you to put your focus on how many people have come to know Christ. Because in the end, it is what really matters. When lives are being changed and one more is going to enter the Kingdom of Heaven, Satan attacks.
I lost my focus when I wanted church to be for me and not for the lost. So, focus on the things that bring you closer to God, the things that will change your life or enable you to help change others. Jesus Others Yourself-JOY!
P.S- if you can't tell by my blogs, I am overly excited about the change in my life. It's amazing what two weeks of alone time can do! I've never been more excited than I am today and about the future.

This blogging thing is the ........

.....best thing! I feel released. I've decided it's not good to hold things in. But anything I write about, I want to feel God would be pleased. Because those of you who know me well, know my mind travels to gutter sometimes! I am amazed at the things that come out of my mouth. I guess that's what makes me human.
I just had a conversation with a friend about my going back to C3. I will probably have more, because some people thought I would never go back. I have many reasons, one being, I know that if I go back to a traditional church I will sit on the sidelines waiting to be feed or inspired. I know this is not true of everyone, I am speaking only for myself.
I've been a Christian for 15+ years, I can think of one person I've lead to Christ in all that time. I never worried about my church friends because I assumed they were saved or the pastor would save them. If I think about, how many people coming to church were "unchurched" it isn't many. Most people raised Baptist look for a Baptist church when they move to a new town (of course I am just speculating) . So, the church becomes mostly filled with "Baptist". And I know people get saved in the Baptist church, because I did. And I know there are different churches for different people. I guess what I am saying is, I have enough friends who love Jesus and I am feed through my bible and prayer, that I am I don't need all the "services" and "hours spent down at church" to be a good Christian. Which is one of the reasons I thought about leaving. I wanted all those events we used to have back! What I love about C3's vision is that I will have the opportunity to reach the unsaved, instead of sitting on the sideline. Like I said, I wanted the church to serve me, instead of me serving the church. So say or think what you want, but I feel I am in God's will. And unless God calls or sends me elsewhere, I am staying put. God has called me out of my comfort zone . I am so excited about the future. I am excited about leading more people to Christ! No one but Christ has influenced my decision. So please, just be happy for me. If your not and your confused, just pray God will give you understanding. I expect some of you are saying, but wait what about this or what about that. You know they do this and they do that. I used all those excuses, because I was mad about the changes. I am sticking 100% behind my church. GOD IS CHANGING LIVES, ESPECIALLY MINE!

Happy Father's Day-I love Church Again!

Today was my first time at my church in a long time. I was nervous about going back. I figured today would seal the deal for me. Would I really want to go back? Yes! I can't explain the peace I felt and the moving of the Holy Spirit. I don't think I would have felt it, if I hadn't spent time praying and searching for the answers from God(instead of others). In some ways I wish I could start the whole past year over, but then I would have missed out on such a spiritual awaking. I read my bible in a different light now. I used to read this verse or that verse and try to find inspiration. I never dug deep. I have learned more lately, than I've learned in a lifetime.
I am now in Numbers. Which it definitely has a lot of numbers. I am amazed at how special God held the Israelites. I wonder what was going on with the rest of the world at this time? What was Europe like? I could go on...
It also amazes me to see God so violent.
There was a question in my bible, "Why kill someone who wanted to be close to God? Num. 1:51-53
The answer(from my bible): Because God is holy, sin cannot survive in his presence. A sinner will die in the light and power of God's holiness except when God makes special provision. God's ultimate provision was Christ, but here he used the tents of the Levites to form a protective barrier around the tabernacle, preventing the Israelites from accidentally wandering in God's holy presence. Aren't we glad God sent Christ as the ultimate sacrifice ?!?
Anyways, back to church. I loved every part of it. The music and message were wonderful! I know that I am supposed to be there. I know that God is going to change lives. I know people are being saved and will continue to be saved. I am also looking forward to moving to the theater. Which I can say made me really sad at first. Change is good. Change is necessary! It makes you dig deeper.
My biggest regret was hurting my best friend. Through all of this, she has let me search, let me talk trash, and let me figure out things for myself. Plus, I am sure the praying helped too! You are a true friend, you are my sister! You welcomed me back this morning, like nothing had ever happened. I am here for you and I am going to do my best to support and protect you. I am excited for the changes God is making in our 30's. I haven't felt this alive in a long time! Just don't ever move!
All this being said, I am having a great Sunday!

Am I crazy...most definetly yes!

First I like to say, I am so glad this thing has spell check. I've debated over the past two weeks joining the blogging world. It wasn't until I started reading my friends, that I became inspired.
I got an itching for another dog. And before I knew it......I had a 16 week old Weimaraner. It has cured me of any chance of wanting a third child. I now wake up and start my morning between 6:30 and 7 am. Way to early for summer! Especially since I've been getting up early for the past 10 months to teach. I guess that's the problem. I need to get up and have this quiet time to myself. I am reading my bible and journaling. I also get to enjoy coffee again. I was so used to having it made at work for me!
I feel the need to confess my most inner and outer thoughts. This past year has been a wild ride. I thought the drama stopped when you became an adult. I guess my life would be boring and I would have nothing to talk about....if there wasn't any drama!
Every since school has been out, I have spent the past two weeks praying and asking God a lot of questions. I feel like I am in a place where I can think a little more clearer now and not be influenced by my surroundings. I am looking to my bible for answers. I feel like I am reading it in a whole new light.
I've grown up a "Baptist" pretty much my whole life. Church was done one way and you didn't mess with that. People who lifted their hands during worship or got a little too charismatic were stared out and usually found another church. People who dressed different or seemed "different" to their standards.....were gossiped behind their backs. I can also remember thinking how people were so quick to judge others for drinking, when their tongues were much more hurtful. Of course I am no saint, I choose to judge also. I judge people and situations that were meant for only God to be the judge.
I sat on the sidelines when new people came to church. Afraid of making new friends or what these new people might think of me. It takes me a long time to really warm up to someone new. I was and am jealous of those who can walk up to anyone and start a conversation. Something I need to get over.
Just for those of you reading and not following this, I jump around a lot. But it is my blog and I can do it how ever I want. This is how my brain works!
Back to church. I can always remember thinking, I wish our church sang more modern songs and had more spunk to the service. I would loose my concentration and venture off to another place! That's what I loved about my church during college. We were a little more contemporary. People lifted their hands and it was OK. We even had a praise team and drums! Most of the songs I had sang came out of a hymnal. I felt like I was at youth camp every Sunday. I had been content for the past 12 years. Once I had my daughter in 2003, I became even more involved. I loved choir and Wednesday nights. I was even making more of a regular attendance. Life was good. Church was good. And then the changes started.
I was really excited. We were going to make church more inviting to the unchurched. "Connect the Community with Christ" I felt like I could finally invite family and friends. Especially since we were getting rid of that "Baptist Stigma"!
The first wave of commotion was painting the back of the church black in the worship center. My initial thought were, "How can the ruin this beautiful sanctuary? Who's going to want to get married here?" Here I thought I wanted change.....only if it met my standards! Eventually it grew on me.
The point is, so many changes began a whirlwind affect. Because church no longer seemed like church. Sunday school was gone, Wednesday night dinner was gone, choir every Wed. was gone, etc..... I hated the thought of Life Groups outside the church doors. I didn't want to drive all over or not get the chance to see my class all the time. I became a "Hater"! I became selfish. I wanted my church back.
Long story short.....I don't care anymore about those things I thought I wanted. I tried going to another Baptist church. I loved it and hated it. I loved the familiarity and hated the familiarity! Why was I running away? Because almost everyone ran away? I hated the conflict between friends. I used the excuses and reasons I thought made sense for leaving. I abandoned ship because I thought if enough people did, we would get our church back. Well guess what, God has different plans. I cannot control the situation, nor do I want to! I am learning my own words," Let Go, Let GOD!" I was so caught up in the drama and the legalism, I lost focus. How many people have I brought to Christ this past year? How many people have I shown God's grace to? How many times have I gossiped instead of praying with that friend? Who am I to judge?
I am ready to go back. Some are going to think I am crazy. Especially after all I've heard and seen. All I've said. Why would I go back? Because God is leading me there. I've been more focused since I left work than I've been all year. I've had time to myself with no pressures! I know the things that matter and don't matter to me anymore. I am ready to serve instead of be served. I ready for "unconventional church". I ready to support my friends and my church. I am ready for a new adventure! I am moving on!!!!!