I've not been myself lately. I think I have seasonal depression. I am self diagnosing myself. I am being to negative and less encouraging. I am going to be hard on myself. I am going to get over this "feeling" !I hate not having any energy. I can't even bring myself to do normal household chores. Maybe I have over done it this month. I slept completely through the night Friday. I can't tell you the last time I have had uninterrupted sleep. Maybe it is catching up with(lack of good sleep).
Know I am not writing this out of pity or attention. I am writing to be true to myself. To make myself aware of how times like these will pass. I am going to focus my attention on things that are good and uplifting. I want to watch a good comedy. (I am taping King of Queens , Doug gets lost in the woods. ) Now my font is bold and I can't figure out why!
A couple of nights ago I laid in bed thinking dark thought about how hard life really is. Who really wants to be a grown up and make grown up decisions? Sometimes I feel like an outsider looking in on life. Like an out of body experience. Secretly wondering who I am ! How did I get to be in my thirties? How am I capable of taking care of two children? I am I good mom or am I selfish? Who do I put first in my life?
I truly believe Satan wants me to doubt myself. He delights in our self destruction. He sees are weaknesses as an opportunity. When I am in a funk, I am not focusing on serving God. I dwell on thoughts of depression and what is wrong with me. What a waste of time. I know better. I have no one to blame but myself.
Writing and being honest with myself helps. I have no where to hide. I have to make a choice. Am I going to stay in this "funk" or move on!?!
.........I let you know tomorrow.
4 comments:
I struggle with these same things...I can make anything sound depressing when I'm in one of my moods - don't think it defines you...it's just a season - it will pass. You make me laugh and you're a great mom - Be encouraged - God uses you all the time...Let's do Leu Gardens on Thurs. Peace out.
Sounds Good!
Hi!
I just wanted to say that many people I have run into lately have been talking about this feeling. AND everywehre I hear teaching (at church Thursday night, on the radio on the way to church Sunday) on really nice Christian blog sites I check out, ALL are talking about: 1)Eph 6 - Spiritual armour, being strong in the Lord, etc, 2) the subtelty of statan and how he accuses us, tries to wear us down and discourage us. 3) the there is a general discomfort in the Body of Christ bc we are preparing for transition. It IS truly time to don our armour of light!
Don't mean to sound preachy, I only meant to say you are not alone! I think you would like to check out Karen at Karen's Ramblings, she is a wonderful Christian in New Zealand and she has been feeling the same way, she had some great thoughts on it. You can see her link from my page...
Lots of sunshine and laughter to you!
Maria
I will check it out, Thanks!!
Post a Comment